I have the means and the motive, please can I have the opportunity?

I have the ability, the qualifications, possibly the experience, definitely the interest and desire, but never the opportunity. Never the chance to prove myself, to take the next step.

I know I have things to say, opinions to give and experiences to share. I know that I am an interesting person, but I just don’t know how to talk to people.

Sound familiar? Then keep reading.

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”
Thomas A. Edison (1847 – 1931)

There are no easy ways to get someone to choose you in any part of your life, whether it’s making friends, getting employment or finding love. If you want a quick fix, and honestly think there is one, then go back to school. You still have a lot to learn.

Life is hard work, and opportunities are no different. You must be prepared to put in the hard graft, long hours, blood, sweat and tears.

Only then, with the correct mind-set and attitude, will the opportunities appear, because then you can talk-the-talk.

Being able to ‘Talk-the-Talk’ is an incredibly useful asset to have, but is one which is generally regarded negatively and is actively discouraged by some. This is because being able to talk-the-talk is predominantly associated with lazy, cocky individuals who are all talk and no action. All show and no substance.

But this doesn’t have to be the case.

In the same way that it’s unfair lazy people get on in life because they can talk-the-talk, it’s unfair that the hard working majority are penalised because they can’t.

So what exactly is being able to talk-the-talk?

Being able to talk-the-talk is having the ability and the confidence to say the right things, to the right people, at the right time. Sounds so simple doesn’t it? If it was we’d all ace that interview every time, have loads of friends and be experts in making relationships work (and starting them in the first place).

So how do you talk-the-talk?

1. Be Yourself
You won’t get anywhere in life if you aren’t true to yourself. For better or worse, you are who you are, so don’t try to be ‘Flash Harry’ if that’s not you. If people who are around you think you are trying too hard or trying to be someone you’re not, then you’ll be thought of as a fake, a fraud and untrustworthy.

Be yourself. If the people around you aren’t happy with that, then find people who are. If you are being yourself, it is easier to relax.

2. Relax
Relax, be calm and unhurried. The more nervous, on edge and flustered you are, the less time you have to concentrate on what you are doing. It becomes harder to listen, concentrate and think and physically and emotionally draining.

If you relax, it makes you appear more confident and means you are more likely to smile.

3. Smile
Smile when you’re talking. Smile when you’re not. Happy people are more approachable, and smiling helps other people you are with relax. If you are both relaxed, conversation is easier, because you have more time to concentrate and feel confident the other person is comfortable talking to you.

If you are both comfortable talking together, it is easier to be honest.

4. Be Honest
Be honest. Both with yourself and with other people. Honesty and sincerity is highly appreciated, and highly valued by a lot of people. If you are honest, it is much more likely you will be perceived as being honest – which is even more important since you will rise in their estimation.

The peril of being honest is that you may get asked questions to which the answer doesn’t always show you in a positive light. This is why it’s important to know your strengths and weaknesses.

5. Know Your Strengths & Weaknesses
It is important you know what you are good at and what you are not, where you can improve and what are your biggest assets. If you know your strengths and weaknesses you don’t have to lie when asked questions about your weaknesses, because you can always tell the truth about them in a positive way. “I am not familiar with X, but I have years of experience of Y” is a much better response than lying (you will get found out).

Whether you are talking about your strengths or your weaknesses, it is important to maintain eye contact.

6. Maintain Eye Contact
Looking someone straight in the eye in a pressurised environment is very difficult for some people, but it is essential for getting your message across. If you maintain eye contact in a conversation, you appear more confident, you are perceived to be more honest when you are talking and gives the impression you are listening when the other person is talking.

7. Listen
Listen, and just as importantly, give the impression you are listening. It is important in any conversation that the other people think you are listening to them and that you value their opinion.

Of course, it is very important that you do listen. Listening enables you to contribute more to a conversation, and reduces the likelihood of you embarrassing yourself by repeating or contradicting other people.

If you listen to others, they are more likely to listen to you, which is important when you are sharing your opinions.

8. Share Your Opinions
You can be the most happy, honest, relaxed listener in the world, but if you don’t share your opinions, you won’t make a lasting impression. Everyone has opinions, so don’t be afraid to share yours. You may well disagree with other people you are talking with, but sometimes that is even better, because a disagreement where you share your opinion in an articulate, knowledgeable way makes a far bigger impression.

However, when sharing your opinions, it is important you respect the views of others around you.

9. Respect Others
Respect everyone around you and, in time, you will gain respect yourself. Treat others as you would have others treat you.

Don’t talk over the top of other people and don’t belittle people’s opinions, however extreme they may seem. There’s nothing the matter with agreeing to disagree.

Finally, what you need is practice.

10. Practice
To be able to properly talk-the-talk it should become second nature. It is only by going out and actually doing it regularly, daily if possible, that it becomes most effective. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

But being able to talk-the-talk is not the end of the line.

Being able to talk-the-talk is a means to an end. In fact, it is the easy part, because once you have talked the talk you have to follow it up with substance – you have to walk-the-walk.

Being able to talk-the-talk will open doors and give you opportunities, but nothing more. It is up to you whether it is an opportunity that is unfulfilled or not and whether you step through the door and into the next challenge life throws at you.

~ TranceFixed

“Why be a man when you can be a success?”
Bertolt Brecht (1898 – 1956)